Women, Painting and Power

I’m standing in my studio, watching ten women painting in silence with exquisite focus and concentration, and the energy is just humming. All of a sudden I hear a groan from one of the women and the words “Oh no, I hate it. It’s so ugly”. I smile, feeling a sense of great relief and dread.

Relief because another woman has just blindly stumbled into her gateway to creative freedom. Dread because I know the resistance and arguments I am going to be coming up against as I try to talk her out of destroying what she deems ugly and to even to begin to take the radical step of accepting what she has created with curiosity and compassion. I have to be quick here because women are nothing if not stealthy and crafty and will waste little time in eradicating the evidence of what they consider unattractive art.

This is a class in what’s known as intuitive painting or process painting. The purpose of this kind of painting is to learn to listen deeply to yourself and to then courageously express what you find,without censoring anything,in a spirit of spontaneity, surrendering to the creative process.It’s very different from typical art classes where the primary focus is on developing technique and ending up with a pleasing product. This type of class uses art and painting as a way to get more in touch with the inner world of soul and psyche. The focus is exclusively on exploring and expressing that internal process.

This road is difficult for most women, because even though many of us have done some kind of self investigation and recognize the value inherent in that search, we are still fighting an uphill battle against a very strong cultural bias that teaches us to place the greatest value on what is outside of us. We are taught that feelings and an inner life are fine as far as they go, but what is truly worthwhile is how we look, what we own, who we know, and where we find ourselves on the economic and status hierarchy.

The mysterious stirrings of our soul, the needs of our hearts, the messages from our bodies,and the genius of our intuition, are STILL, even after all of the battles for liberation that we have fought, denigrated and considered trivial and unimportant, unrealistic and immature. But in the world of the process arts the realm of psyche and dreams, imagination and feelings are staunchly defended as sacrosanct and even given center stage.

The women in my painting class know the rules of intuitive painting, one of which is that they are not to destroy anything or cover up what they have done just because they don’t like it or have a negative reaction to it. They know what they are attempting here is an exercise in radical self acceptance which means embracing everything that comes out of them especially if it makes them uncomfortable because there’s “gold in them thar hills” of the psyche that they can mine to great advantage if they are just willing to stay with the discomfort. But the urge to disavow the abomination of a perceived ugly painting by making it disappear can be overwhelming.

There are four words in the English language that you should never use in reference to a western 21st century woman if you don’t want to get your teeth knocked out. Those four little words are ugly, fat, bitch and selfish.

Each of these four words addresses an issue of great importance for a woman, and what they all have in common is that they are keys to unlocking the door to our forbidden feminine power. And one thing you can count on is that each of these four issues will show up eventually if a woman seriously gives herself over to making her own art. Which is one reason that women often shy away from the creative process.

These words have extremely negative connotations for a woman and have been used to denigrate and control us for a very long time.The charge around them is so intense that as soon as we hear them we throw up our hands, recoil into a place of shame, close our eyes and back away from them as if they were Kryptonite and we were Super Girl. Since we are unwilling to be curious and explore them, we never get to see that in actuality these four words describe very positive qualities and archetypal energies that we desperately need if we are going to be complete, whole, actualized and effective feminine creators of our own lives.

One of the biggest internal obstacles to reclaiming our power is a potent archetype at work in most women’s psyches that can be called the Inner Good Girl. The Good Girl lives for approval and she garners that approval by keeping women small and safe and non-threatening. She is not interested in growing up and is content to remain eternally young. Ultimately, she is the one that keeps a woman from being able to develop and flourish as someone who is strong and potent,gutsy and capable of taking authority over her own life. And the Good Girl never wants to risk being fat, selfish, ugly or bitchy.

If a woman takes her creative life seriously, if she makes a commitment to herself and devotes herself to her creative work, she will eventually reach a crossroads where she has to confront the Inner Good Girl and the list of Good Girl rules if she wants to continue creating with passion and authenticity.

We all know what those rules are.Smile, smile, smile, be sweet and nice, never get mad (or even annoyed),look pretty (which of course includes being thin), smell good, be clean and neat and always be pleasing and accommodating. Don’t be loud and stay in the background. What you think or feel is not really all that important. Don’t upset anyone. And never, ever make another person uncomfortable. In the Good Girl world perfection is an attainable goal and you need to work relentlessly, tirelessly, exhaustively, to be the absolute best mother, daughter, wife and friend you can be, all the while berating yourself because you inexplicably and continuously fall short of the mark.

When a woman starts her creative life she brings these same attitudes and expectations to her art. She only allows herself to paint pretty paintings that are perfect in every way. Paintings that are nice and make people smile. She is unwilling to risk disturbing or intense color or imagery; nothing that is too strong or stands out too much. But painting in this way eventually leaves her feeling bored and stifled. Pretty can be wonderful as part of a larger repertoire, but if it’s all you are allowed to do it eventually becomes both a noose and a cage.

At a certain point in her creative process a woman needs to be willing to ditch the Good Girl by breaking the Good Girl rules. But breaking those rules leads a woman into the territory of the shadow side of the Good Girl, the dreaded yet fascinating BAD GIRL!

The Bad Girl is alive and well in most women’s psyches and is the part of us who is sick and tired of the long list of restrictions that hem in her wild and juicy self. She is feisty and bold, full of audacity and unafraid to go for what she wants. She is adventurous and courageous, and enjoys the excitement that comes with taking positive life-affirming risks.

But our relationship to her has a strong shame and shadow element so she often gets expressed in way’s that end up hurting us. She is the one who eats the whole container of the mint chocolate chip ice cream in one sitting, who doesn’t return necessary phone calls to annoying family members, who spends money that she doesn’t have on clothes or shoes, and who has inappropriate relationships with men or women that aren’t good for her.What I am presenting here is a way to reclaim the Bad Girl energy, through painting, that is affirming and positive. To recognize that what we have been calling bad are disowned parts of ourselves that need to be brought back home.

THE SELFISH GIRL: Unafraid of putting herself first, of being needy and proud of it, of nurturing herself, of conserving her own energy, of filling her own well, willing to have limits, making her own self care her first priority, willing to be her own good mother, willing to take time just for herself, willing to confront and overcome her guilt about taking care of herself.

This is the first Bad Girl to show up when a woman attempts to have a viable creative life, and the first one I see when a woman walks in the door of my studio to attend a painting class. I hear over and over again from these women how much they have lost themselves in taking care of everyone else. How tired they are of putting everyone else’s needs first and that they have come to this class because they want to do something that has no visible benefit to anyone else.

For a woman to be creative she needs to be willing to take time just for herself. She needs uninterrupted periods when she is able to enter her studio, sit down at her computer or her easel, and see what wants to come. She needs to let herself get dreamy, do nothing, stare out the window, and be seemingly unproductive. During these interludes in which she drops into a creative trance she is inviting the muse to enter her and inviting the often secret and mysterious movement of her soul to express itself.

In these moments, she begins to face herself through her art. She is able to get quiet enough so that she can listen deeply and start to ask some essential questions such as “What do I think? What do I like? What do I really want? What moves me, brings me pleasure, makes me feel alive.?” It is a me, myself and I time, a time that needs to be treated as sacred and inviolable in order to allow those creative juices to flow unimpeded and to eventually turn into a raging, rushing river.

However, it’s usually not long before the telephone rings or someone taps (or sometimes pounds ) on the studio door with the cry of “I need you! And I need you RIGHT NOW!” It could be a friend, a child, a mother a husband, a work obligation, or a pipe that has just sprung a leak. All of a sudden, somebody else’s needs become more important than her need to be creative, and the woman is faced with the eternal female question.” Do I once again close the door to my studio and turn my back on the needs of my own soul? Do I once again prove how reliable, dutiful, compassionate , caring, self sacrificing, available, loving, responsible I am, at the terrible price of my own creative self? Knowing that I have the small, and getting smaller consolation of being able to say “Well at least no one is going to be able to call me selfish!”

THE UGLY GIRL: Willing to buck the tide, to be her own unique self, to not always conform , to step away from the need for approval, to be willing to risk censure, to step outside of the box of what is acceptable as a woman in this culture, willing to be weird, different, unique, outrageous, bold.

The most common lament or desire that I hear from my women painting student’s is “But I just want my painting to be beautiful.”

For most women, beauty is a need, a deep irrational hunger, and an unconscious compulsion. Our identification with the need to be beautiful is so great and so ingrained that we rarely, if ever, question it. Beauty is the key to the magic kingdom of well- being, happiness and success. It is the source of our value, the guarantee of love, our only legitimate access to power, and on a very deep level has meant survival itself. Because so much is at stake, the pressure a woman feels to be beautiful and to create something beautiful is enormous.

Our whole relationship to beauty shows up painfully and clearly in the painting process. While she is painting, there is always some beauty standard- whether she is aware of it or not- that a woman is trying to live up to. Maybe the ideal is of a painting that is neat and flawless where no mistakes or messiness, no drips or uneven lines are allowed. Or the idealized vision may be one of a painting that is balanced and symmetrical, a paragon of elegance, grace, and impeccable good taste. In this version of perfection, all the colors must match, and can only be in the range of muted pastels with the overall effect being soothing and pleasant, like a well put together design in a home and garden magazine.

Whatever the ideal, the energy put into achieving it is relentless. When I watch a woman paint I am always amazed by the passion she has for endlessly fussing over and fixing her paintings. Spontaneity is out of the question. She just takes it for granted that her painting must be well thought out, planned, and organized , and under as much of her control as is humanly possible. She is used to not trusting in her own innate beauty, and expects that the quest for beauty will entail nonstop work. She never questions the ceaseless dieting and exercising, the hours spent shopping for just the right outfit and the worrying over her skin, her hair, her nails. She always has and always will fall short of the beauty mark and just assumes that beauty is something she will continually struggle for and rarely, if ever, achieve.

The really sad thing is that she sees nothing wrong with this fretful and anxious approach to her self and to her artwork.This ceaseless and ultimately hopeless striving for the unattainable ideal is just the norm. It’s really the only thing she has ever known.

These narrow constraints of beauty that a woman finds herself tangled in are always some variation on the Good Girl creed. These socially accepted standards are based on a definition of beauty that is related to being nice and non threatening, to not standing out too much and conforming to an established norm that is pleasant but not powerful. Beauty is related to compliance and convention, to following the rules and to fitting in. The Good Girl beauty ideal means that it’s not OK to just be herself, warts and all. She needs to clean herself up and make herself acceptable.

When a woman is painting, the Ugly Girl often sneaks in as a mistake or imperfection, a smear or a smudge, something messy or uncontrolled.When the woman tries to clean up the mess, she finds with increasing horror that the muddle only continues to grow. She is constantly having technical calamities. The paint drips or runs, she can’t control her brush, chaos reigns, and it seems like there is nothing she can do to make it stop.

She is desperate to get back to pretty. In risking spontaneity, she has found, to her horror, that she has created something that appears harsh or loud or imperfect. Or,even worse, something grotesque or malformed. She frantically tries painting more safe images, more flowers, rainbows, peaceful landscapes . But the flowers develop sharp edges and dark colors and grow completely out of control , the rainbow colors become wildly fluorescent , and the landscapes becomes populated with darkly mysterious shapes and figures .

At this point she has stepped out of the confines of charming and attractive, and into an unfamiliar landscape of the wild, the untamed the unkempt and disheveled. This is often the beginning of a relationship to the inner Wise Old Woman archetype, also known as the Witch. This is the face of the deep feminine that doesn’t care about appearances . After all, the Witch walks around with missing teeth and warts, and obviously doesn’t care what other people think. This is an awakening of the aspect of a woman’s soul who is no longer a slave to approval and who has begun to walk down the long road away from woman as product and commodity.

THE FAT GIRL: Willing to be big, be visible, to come out of hiding, to be a woman and not a little girl, to take up space, to be hungry, to say what she wants, to know what she wants, to be full of herself, to be too big for her britches, to be a full adult, unafraid to say yes! A fat girl isn’t afraid to take up space and to take her place in the world.

In my studio I offer high quality paper that is of ample size, but students can tape the sheets together to make even larger paintings. It’s a heady time when a woman can let herself spread out and take up some real space,when she can make a HUGE painting, one that can sometimes cover an entire wall.

Creating a giant painting is a dizzying and terrifying prospect, and a woman often needs lots of encouragement and permission to take this step. In fact I usually need to nudge her a little. She will start with saying something about MAYBE needing to go a little bigger with her work. She feels something pushing on her, wanting to come through, and so she will ask if it’s OK to use two pieces of paper instead of one. I generously offer to get the paper for her but come back with four pieces of paper, instead of the asked for two. No matter how “nice” she is, at this point she is more than willing to make a fuss, to strenuously object about how it’s too much, she could never fill up that much paper, she doesn’t have enough to express, she couldn’t possibly take up that much room in the studio.

But as I continue to calmly pin the four pieces to the easel, nodding supportively, yet ignoring her increasingly frantic protestations, I see the gleam in her eye. She wants this opportunity to take up space, to proclaim herself in living color, to be unmistakably seen, but is trained to not give voice to this desire. I watch her as she struggles with the forbidden excitement of the challenge, the possibility, the sheer daring of it. The door to a secret longing is creaking open on long unused and rusted hinges, opening to her hunger to be big, to be bold, to be outrageous, to be visible as completely and utterly herself.

THE BITCHY GIRL: Willing to be fierce and powerful; unafraid of her own anger, unafraid to speak up, to take a stand, to have limits and boundaries, unafraid to say NO! Unafraid to combat abuse, refuses to be treated badly, willing to break connections and walk away from toxic relationships if it means protecting your own wild and precious self.

Another major crossroads occurs in the painting process when a woman realizes how angry and enraged she feels and she lets herself express it on paper for everyone to see. However, the feeling of anger is so taboo and so threatening that it will usually sneak in the back door as just a little color. Some red or black appears on the page and then slowly or by “accident” grows larger than the woman had intended .

As this continues , the artist begins to feel a little uncomfortable. She will stand back from her now unruly painting with a puzzled frown and turn to me , saying something like ” That looks awfully angry,” followed quickly by, “You know, I’m not really angry. I don’t get angry. A little frustrated maybe, but never angry.” This is a very precarious moment in the process. I have had women actually walk out of the room to get away from this intimation of anger, put on their coat and announce that they really must leave now. I am generally able to coax her back to the painting for the rest of the class, but once she leaves I will often never see her again. The reality of her own angry feelings is just too scary, the prohibitions too strong, and all I can do at this point is hope for her that someday she will be able to feel safe enough to take that deep plunge into her own passionate and furious heart .

For the woman who is ready to take that terrifying yet thrilling dive, admitting that she is indeed angry can allow an amazing intensity of feeling to come flooding out. All the years of saying yes, yes, yes when she wanted to say no, no, NO to unreasonable demands, to abuse, to putting her own needs on a perpetual back burner, come out on the paper in a frenzy of paint , of color, and of image.

For one woman it comes out as a bright red background, with black words painted simply and starkly to read “I AM SO PISSED OFF!'”. For another , it is a large image of a woman with wildly flying red hair, bellowing open mouthed and brazen ” What the $#%@ about me!!!”

A 60 year old woman, who has been married to a Methodist preacher for 40 years, surprises herself by painting a warrior goddess in hot pants, with a Colt 45 in one hand and a cake spatula (to be used as a whacking weapon when necessary) in the other.

The paintings sometimes depict images that are recognizable out of myth, such as a snake haired Medusa, and sometimes are expressed as a whirl of color and chaos, populated by weird, otherworldly creatures sporting very large, VERY sharp teeth. But what they all have in common is that they jump off the page with the ferocity of emotion portrayed. There is no mistaking the intent behind these paintings which is some version of ” I’m mad as hell, and I’m not going to take it anymore!”

I RECENTLY READ an article in a marketing journal that was warning advertisers away from using the words power or powerful in ads directed towards women. The writer of this article was not questioning the issue of women’s fear around power, just stating an obvious ( to him) fact that women won’t buy things that are associated with the language of power.

We have a long history as women around being disempowered and victimized, and we have internalized this fear of power, of our own power, for way too long. We are living in times of great change and uncertainty and it is critical that we reclaim our birthright of strength, authority and creative vision to take advantage of the opportunity that we have to recreate the world as a place where our most treasured values can survive.

There are many ways to face and to heal this power wound, and approaching it through our creativity is just one of them. But it’s a good place to start. As my women student’s and I have learned over many years, it’s quite possible to experience courage, transformation and self love by wielding the business end of a paintbrush. And breaking our long allegiance to the Good Girl and allowing the Bad Girl an honored place in our lives is not only healing, but makes life a lot more interesting and fun!

How to Approach Beautiful Women and Make Your Date Successful

Almost all men have fantasies over beautiful women, both handsome and average looking alike. If you are one of those men with fantasies over beautiful women and you are trying to figure out how you should approach them however you are afraid to get rejected, then this article is for you.

As opposed to what men think about beautiful women that they are just for good looking men, you are getting it wrong because the great news is that you can actually win beautiful women no matter how old you are, how you look like and how much savings you have in your bank account. What matters most is to know exactly how you should approach them.

Here are several tips on how you should approach beautiful women and make a successful date

* It is important that you make the first move. Never feel intimidated that the woman that you want is too beautiful for you. One of the major reasons why men are afraid of approaching beautiful women is because they think that approaching and initiating the first move on beautiful women is like solving complicated problems.

Most men think that good looking women are more often than not being chased by men every second of the day just to have date with her and usually decide not to pursue on approaching her because of fear of rejection thinking that there will be too much competition. But the truth is beautiful women tend to stay to single because men are scared with their beauty and there were not enough men who have enough guts to ask beautiful women to go out with them or make the first move. You have to know that it is important that you do the first move.

* Be friendly and natural. Never show them that you are too surprised and hesitant when talking to her; this is one of the most important things that you must learn on how to approach beautiful women. Beautiful women are not far from other women so it is recommended that you treat her as a normal person. Being friendly also have the effects with most people, if you treat her with friendliness and kindness they will surely respond at the same manner.

* Make the first move to create a conversation but make sure that it will interest her. Most of beautiful women think that most men are just interested with them because they are beautiful so make sure that you don’t mention anything about her appearance. When starting a conversation make sure that she is interested on the topic that you opened, never show arrogance just act natural and make her feel respected and safe. Make sure that you keep an eye contact during conversation because this will help you to show her that you are not having a hard time figuring out how you should approach her.

* Take the things slowly never try to rush the process, always keep in mind that you were stranger to her and you need time to let her know you and know her better. Never stalk her or else you might scare her and annoy her. Give her enough time to know you more and take your time in showing her your good intentions.

Beauty Contest and Feminism

Feminism is not all about hating men; it is about fighting for equal rights. Man has always dominated women since age-old times. Since women were not well-educated and financially independent she remained the oppressed gender. Her worth as a homemaker and a mother was not recognized and was subject to male dominance.

Feminism is all about demanding self-respect. Although the scenario has changed today with more and more women getting proper education, to reach high positions of power women has to put in twice the effort put by her male counterpart. Rape, forced marriage and other misogynist actions are forced on her.

Feminist of the world want to break down all barriers that obstruct women from being treated equally. They want women to be free from cruelty and receive the same opportunities as men, in education and at her place of work. Feminism about bringing equality and making the world a better place for everybody to live in.

So what is the connection between beauty contest and feminism? Beauty contest although gives women an opportunity to prosper and showcase her talent, feminist disapprove of it for the way a women is portrayed here.

They maintain that here again it is the male who decides the worth of women on the basis of her beauty. Here again she has to qualify after being ogled by the panel of judges. Can’t women look beautiful without displaying her skin? Why go to such demeaning heights? Why treat women as an object of entertainment? It is on these issues that beauty contest and feminism collide.

Beauty in these contests is only skin-deep; it promotes women as an inferior gender. Such shows adhere to obsolete principles of beauty and seek approval of others and it sends a wrong message to the society.

Though beauty contest and feminism do not see eye to eye with each other, the latter must remember that the girls compete for the contest voluntarily. Banning and protesting is not the answer to the solution, some of the girls depend on it as it helps them to pursue a career.

The solution lies in organizing beauty contest for men; while this is organized in some countries it has not gained immense popularity like the women’s contest. Organizing beauty contest for plus-size women, beauty contest for mothers and beauty contest for career women for being what she is appropriate. Just being career-oriented does not make a women extraordinary. Being a good mother, a good wife, a good daughter and women who stands by her family are just as good traits as been career conscious.

How to Attract Beautiful Women

To attract beautiful women is every man’s desire but for the exceptional few. All beautiful women are not that easily wooed. There could be a thousand ways of drawing the attention a beautiful woman to oneself.

Different men have a different approach and attitude when they decide to make their intentions clear. All women are not stereotype, their tastes and choices differ and what one may find appealing the other will not. Listen up men, before setting out to attract a beautiful specimen of the opposite sex do a little self check first. Are you a good looking man yourself? If yes, then half the battle is won there itself. If not, then have no regrets as good characteristics will do the trick. Read on to find tips on how to attract beautiful women.

Beautiful women most often enjoy the company of a fun loving man, the extrovert in nature and most often unpredictable. So that’s what you need to come across as, women also look to see if you are educated enough to earn a handsome amount of money. She normally has her own standard opinion of what it means to be good looking. Many men find a beautiful intimidating and that must not be so, be confident of the way you carry yourself. Do not be thrown off guard by her beauty and set you gaze on everything else but her, she wouldn’t like that at all. Eye contact is essential as the eyes are the window of a person’s soul. An intense, magnetic, gaze would by all means attract a woman.

Strike up a conversation and get to know the woman you are out to attract, the things she likes and dislikes, things that matter to her and the areas of her interest. She is normally a bold, forthright person and know what she wants, do not underestimate a beautiful woman. Once you are armed with the information you need plan on a date and spring a surprise on her. Oh! She will love it! Get her interested in you as well she will jump at the given opportunity.

Another way to attract beautiful women is to give them a sense of “hey your beauty is not only skin deep, it goes beyond that”. This way she will get strongly attracted to you especially if she has had men who tried to get close only because of her beauty and not for who she was. Don’t be the kind that gives into her every whim and fancy, she certainly doesn’t want an obedient little puppy dog, know when to use your authority and dignity. Having a great sense of humor is an asset and that’s how to attract beautiful women can be furthered.

Beautiful women are apt at observing body language; it is an age old way of reading what the opposite person intends to say. Smile, engage in light hearted chatter and just be yourself. Be happy and relaxed as this will gain her confidence in you. Follow these tips on how to attract beautiful women and enjoy the benefits.

How to Date Beautiful Women

How to date beautiful women can be challenging for most men. Use these tips to make beautiful women go crazy for you. This is so real, when you start using these tips, you will notice a huge difference in the way beautiful women react and behave with you. It’s been known for a very long time, they are not easy to attract nor attracted to the same things that attract other women. Beautiful women have plenty of choices when it comes to men.

They can have guys cover them with gifts and compliments, yet they won’t be attracted at all. Instead of ruining yourself to attract and date them, use these two tips to make them go crazy for you. The beauty about these tips is that they are easy to use and most guys have never heard or will never apply them.

· The first great tip on how to date beautiful women is: be highly unpredictable. As written before, what attract normal women doesn’t necessarily attract beautiful women. For example, most guys will do something like this: They will take a woman to a nice place, tell her nice things, make himself funny, compliment her, buy her flowers… This may work on some women (not all of them), but when it comes to them, they will treat this guy as a loser if he starts doing this with them. Beautiful women want to be treated differently. They don’t like predictable guys. In fact they will hate you if you are predictable.

How can you become unpredictable with hot women? By trying to not sound, look, behave like everyone else. Think of what would most guys do in a certain situation and do the very opposite of it. Don’t go extreme with this tip; you don’t need to become highly unpredictable and start looking like a psycho. Try to be unpredictable in ways most guys date and treat women. Beautiful women will appreciate you more.

· The second tip on how to date beautiful women is: be interested yet ignore her. This is your biggest asset when it comes to dating hot women. If you start applying it when you date them, you won’t believe the amount or positive result you will get. Most guys, when dating gorgeous women, will behave like this:
They will call her dozens of times a week
They will try to have as many dates as possible with her.
They will try to please her.
They will fulfill every desire and wish she demands.

They will become slaves.

Nearly all guys will behave like this, this is why you need to behave differently.

Whenever, you are dating one, be interested:
Talk to her
Compliment her once a month
Make her laugh
Laugh at her jokes
Tease her

However, when you leave her, stop thinking about her or when you are going to meet her. Simply detach yourself and live your life normally.

Why Beauty Treatments Fail

Do you know why babies are so adorable? They need beauty to survive! Babies cannot live without an adult’s support, and therefore need an adult’s love to ensure their support. This is perhaps the easiest and most obvious way to show that beauty is for survival and not just for fun only.

How about in the business world? Sure, its not politically correct to say that you hire someone based on their looks, but it’s almost always the first impression that sticks in your head and someone who is more attractive will always be more memorable.

How about money? Beautiful women tend to have a higher salary and better chances for a promotion. Handsome men — not as much as beautiful women, but it still has its benefits.

Of course beauty is a big advantage in a bedroom for love. Want to know the secret of how men and women are choosing their beloved ones?

10236 Charing Cross Road, Los Angeles, California. A 50 million dollar Gothic – Tudor style house, built by architect Arthur R. Kelly in 1927, with a secret room, called the “Elvis Presley” suite. This room is famous not for its art collection or furniture, paintings or sculptures. This suite is special because when Elvis Presley stayed there, he spent a night with at least 8 women. Now the house is occupied with an aging Hugh Hefner, the Playboy boss, who is still surrounded by young beautiful girls. They are much younger than Mr. Hefner, but they are still enjoying his company. Why?

This now well-known fact remained a mystery for many years. Until 1999, when Harvard scientist Frank Marlowe came up with the unusual explanation of this behavior. According to him a woman can chose an extraordinary man, much older then she is, because even an aging men are fertile. Because with their experience and tools, they can compete with much younger males. The benefit is: young males have very tough competition, and women have much more choices.

What about the way men look? Does it matter for women? Sure it does. To find the truth scientists decided to find out if it is a masculine type of man, or feminine type, that women find more attractive. What they did not know was: both, but not at the same time.

When women are in fertile part of their cycle, they prefer masculine looking men. When they are in infertile part of their cycle — feminine looking. Does it mean, that it is really women, not men, who choose? Or does it mean that infidelity is the inherent women’s feature, because they need different men at different times of their cycle?

Men chose women differently: they want fertile women. In other words — young. But how do they determine?

Full breasts, low waste to hip ratio, long legs, symmetric face, big eyes, small nose, body mass index — all play their roles. But remember: they pick up young females! Therefore how do they decide? By “signals of youth” which are: clear and smooth skin, big and shiny eyes, full red lips, long fair hair and firm high breasts.

Marilyn Monroe, is perhaps the most famous example of this. But is this for only movie stars? What about ordinary women?

It is about 1350 BC. Ancient Egypt. The young Queen Nefertiti is about to pose for a famous sculptor Thutmose, who is going to make her bust. Suddenly Nefertiti notices that her eye liner is not perfect. To fix it she takes eyeliner and applies it to her eyes.

Now she looks perfect. That is how we know her — from famous Nefertiti bust.

But she was not the one who used cosmetics to enhance her beauty. Cosmetics were cheap, readily available for ordinary people and easy to use. But the problem with cosmetics was: it was sometimes toxic. To get the desired effect they may put in Parabens, sodium lauryl sulfate (SLS) and other toxins. And cosmetics cannot do that much to cover deep wrinkles and skin folds, lift up the sagging skin or change the shape of the nose. That is why they came up with plastic cosmetic surgery.

When do you think first plastic surgery was performed? 100 years ago? 200?

According to legend, the first plastic surgery was done by Lord Shiva in India 4000 years ago, when he attached an elephant’s head to his son’s body 5. The first medical manual, including plastic surgery description, was written by great Indian doctor Sushruta in the 3rd or 4th century AD. Even then they knew how to make skin graft to cover damaged skin areas. Since then plastic cosmetic surgery improved significantly. Plastic surgeons now can do a facelift for you, reshape your nose, eyelids, checks, chin, breasts, buttock, tummy, penis, vagina, etc. About 12 million cosmetic surgeries were done in the US in 2008. This means, that it is very popular because it is very effective.

But it is very expensive. Because the average cosmetic surgery price is about from $2,000-$8,000 6.

June 2007, Beverly Hills California. Prominent scholar and professor Dr. Donda West, the mother of a famous American rapper, singer, and record producer Kanye West, decides to reshape her body.

She goes to a Beverly Hill’s plastic surgeon, Dr. Andre Aboolian, and requests a tummy tuck and breast reshaping. However the surgeon refuses to do the procedures. Therefore she goes to another Beverly Hills plastic surgeon, who was the host of a few TV plastic surgery shows, Dr. Jan Adams, who agrees to do the procedures.

The next day after procedures were done, Donda West died because of “coronary artery disease and multiple post-operative factors due to or as a consequence of liposuction and mammoplasty”.

Looks like it does not matter how much money you pay and how famous the surgeon is.

What could be the reason that women may chose such dangerous ways to improve their beauty? Because men are looking for “signals of youth” — clear smooth skin, big clear eyes, etc. And the older a man is, the younger the woman he is looking for. Therefore women have to use beauty treatments not to lose a man’s attention. And they do.

According to US Labor Department Beauty salons treatments will increase 14% in 2006 — 2016. But it seems not to make women more beautiful and men more handsome.

Because most of the beauty treatments like facials, massage, masks, eventually fail. They are simply temporary. Medical treatments, like Botox and Restylane are more effective, but still do not last long either. So how does it happen, that with all our technology, internet, supercomputers and men in the space we still cannot make our women beautiful, safely and easily?

Suppose your car is broken. Can they fix it if they do not know what is broken? Or you need to open a safe. Don’t you first have to find out the code? The same thing applies to beauty treatments: first you have to find out the main problem, the root cause. Because if you do not your beauty treatment most likely fail.

It all started with San Francisco ophthalmologist Dr. Scott in 1960, who started using deadly botulism toxin to treat excessive contractions of eyelids and squinting in 1973. This particular poison turned out to be very effective and incredibly safe. But in 1986 Scott’s Botox supplies were exhausted because even with its proven safety its micro manufacturer could not get liability insurance. Not that many patients, not that much money. Can you imagine patients who got their eyes back, but were now facing huge problems again because the drug was no longer available? They were desperate.

Looked like no solution is sight. Tragedy seemed to be imminent.

The salvation came unexpectedly.

1987, Vancouver, Canada. Ophthalmologist Dr. Jean Carruthers is seeing one of her patients treated with Botox. Suddenly she notices that the patient’s skin between eyes is unusually smooth and wrinkle free. She immediately calls her husband, dermatologist Dr. Alastair Carruthers, who confirms her observation. After that it is all was going pretty fast. Much faster than for blepharospasm of strabismus treatments.

In 1989, a Sacramento California plastic surgeon Dr. Richard Smith publishes an article in the journal Plastic and Reconstructive Surgery. In December 1989, the FDA approves Allergan manufactured Botox for use for blepharospasm, strabismus and hemifacial spasm.

Suffering patients were saved. On April 15, 2002 FDA approves Botox for temporary frown lines relief.

It took them 49 years to approve Botox for medical purposes, but it was only 15 years to approve it for cosmetic purposes. That is how a very effective beauty treatment was born. That is how we are able now to fix one of the most common beauty problems — excessive muscle pull. But sometimes Botox may not be suitable to fix this problem.

Then what we may have to do is wrinkle release procedure, when we cut the connection between the skin and muscle.

Another beauty problem is loss of volume, when with age our subcutaneous fat is gone.

What happens next — our skin starts sagging. But age is not the only reason for subcutaneous fat loss. Trauma and inflammation are the other reasons.

1893. Germany. Dr. Franz Neuber is thinking of how to help a patient is his, who is suffering from cheek bone inflammation. Because of cheek bone volume loss, his face looks horrible. The damage looks permanent and irreparable. But suddenly a weird thought comes to Dr. Neuber’s mind: what if he can take some fat from the patient’s hand and put it into patient’s face for fill up the defect? Dr. Neuber takes the patient to the operating room and does the world’s first fat transplant for cosmetic purposes. Soon another German physician Dr. Karl Czerny does fat transplant to repair a damaged breast. Since then fat transfer became very popular. They now use it for hands and face to make them looks smooth and youthful. Fat transfer is also used for buttocks and breasts reshaping.

But fat is not the only one used. Silicon, collagen (Zyplast, Zyderm), calcium hydroxyapatite (Radisse), polylactic acid (Sculptra) — all of them along with fat are used as fillers. But the most commonly used filler is a natural skin component – hyaluronic acid. Everybody is aware of Restylane and/or Juvederm, right? They are made from hyaluronic acid. But why so many of them and what is the difference? They may be permanent and temporary. Permanent sounds the best: take one treatment and you are done for the rest of your life. That is how a patient of mine thought, when she went to the specialist to inject permanent filler.

What she did not know was: her face would change. And what was good for her at that time would be bad in five years. Within five years her injection sites became very prominent and looked unnatural. Therefore I believe that hyaluronic acid based fillers like Restylane and Juviderm are the best.

Skin breakdown itself is a problem too. Skin loses its components because of hormones decline and lack of nutrients. It becomes damaged by sun and pimples.

Do you know what “Marilyn Monroe hormone” is? Estrogen is the one that makes women look like she does. It is responsible for your skin. No estrogen – skin starts to get worse. But hormones are not enough. Your skin has to eat. It needs proteins, fats, vitamins, microelements and water. By eating healthy food you think you give your skin everything it needs. What you do not know is: because of soil fertilization you get 5 to 7 times less nutrients then you are supposed to.

Unless you eat organic food. But most of us do not. Moreover, we eat food we are not design to: grains, refined carbohydrates, milk, etc. What do carbohydrates do for your skin?

Clog your pores. What is the result? Pimples! Or acne. What is the first: micronutrients or carbohydrates? It is like trying to find out whether the chicken or the egg came first.

Sun is another problem. On one hand sun is necessary for vitamin D protection. The sun may prevent depression, sun wakes us up every day, sun tells us when to go to bed.

But how did it happen that sun is not a friend, but the enemy of your skin? It is like drinking water: if you drink water in moderate amount, you are ok, but if you drink gallons and gallons of water, your brain may swell and you may die.

The same is with the sun: it is good in moderation, before 9 AM and after 6 PM, when you get mostly UVA but not UVB. But sunbathing? At noon? Or visiting a tanning salon? I do not think it is natural. Have you ever seen monkey sunbathing on the beach?

Bottom like is simple:

1. Do not wait until it is too late! Your skin may be damaged to the extent that it cannot be repaired. Have you ever seen damaged cars in the junkyard? They cannot be repaired. The same may happen to your skin.

2. Find out what your problem is first: skin degradation, pimples, skin laxity, loss of volume or excessive muscle pull. Because if you do not, you may get the wrong treatment you do not need.

3. Clean up your skin with facials and other skin treatments, unclog your pores. You clean your teeth every day, right? You clean your apartment or house every week, right? Don’t you think, that your face deserves to be cleaned at least once a month?

4. Give your skin the nutrients it needs now. Get nutritional masks and other skin nutritional treatments. Do not let our skin starve. Because if you do, it may die.

5. Restore the elasticity and youthful skin texture by balancing your hormones, if you are suffering from skin degradation itself. Go to a doctor, who is specializing in hormone balancing.

6. Get rid of wrinkles because of excessive muscle pull, with Botox or a wrinkle release procedure.

7. Treat deep skin folds with fillers, preferably Restylane.

8. If you need a facelift, then a thread lift or plastic surgery may be the option.

9. Protect you skin from too much sun with a hat or umbrella.

Secret Steps to Be Beautiful in Quick Time

Nice body

To lose some kilos (not many) and to gain a beautiful and radiant skin, you need a detoxification cure. Eat 5 meals/ day and consume only fresh aliments, most of them fruit, vegetables and natural juices.
Say no to: alcohol, sugar, oil, fried foods, and sweet juices with acid Etc.

Use an exfoliating a night before the event. Dead cells will be eliminated and your skin will be more soft and shiny.

If you want something more special, you may apply two days in a row tanning cream. The effect won’t be so powerful, but just perfect to be asked if you were at the seaside during the weekend.

Nice complexion

Sleep, sleep, sleep! You have to sleep at least 8 hours per night during these 2 days. Nothing makes your skin to look beautiful than a long and comfortable sleep!

If you have circles put 2 bags of green tea over your eyes. First, boil and let them to cool. Let them to act for 10 minutes.

A day before the event, apply a special mask designed for you type of skin. You find here many homemade masks.

Beautiful hair

And now let pass to the secret weapon of women- beautiful and healthy hair!

In the event day wash very well your hair with the right shampoo for your type of hair. Finally apply balm or/and a mask and let it/them to act for 5 to 10 minutes. This treatment will give your hair additional glow. If you do not have time to go to the hairdresser, you may set your hair with the help of a plate or a wave like.

After apply fixative, wax or mousse for a long resistance of your coiffure!

P.S. do not forget about the makeup (an hour before the event) and your manicure (a day before the event).

Technique To Drastically Increase Your Success With Women

There’s a technique that you can use to give yourself a huge advantage over other men when it comes to attracting women. It’s a technique that great marketers and great advertisers use to increase the perceived VALUE of the products and services that they sell. And if you don’t already know, having high value is something that is VERY important if you want to attract women.

Beautiful women are not attracted to men who they perceive has having lower value than themselves.

And most guys unconsciously communicate to a woman they’re attracted to that they are low value.

A guy will do things like call her ten times a day. At her request, he will instantly drop everything he is doing to go tend to her needs. He will only say things that he knows won’t upset or offend her. He will chase her and buy her expensive gifts. And generally be at her every beck and call.

Essentially what is going on her is he’s putting her on a pedestal and worshiping her as this amazing goddess that he needs to please.

Attractive women HATE that.

So what can you do to increase your perceived value in the eyes of beautiful women?

Well, the actions I’ve just outlined above describes a man who is too available. The technique that I’m about to reveal is being the exact opposite of available.

What you need to do is to make yourself scarce.

Once you get a woman’s attention and have built a good level of attraction and rapport, pull back. Make her come to you.

Do things like deny her first request to hang out. Tell her you’re busy and only call her a few times a week. Act indifferent towards her. End things early once in a while especially when she is enjoying herself the most. Let a few of her calls go to voice mail.

And most importantly, you need to come across as the kind of guy who will walk away at a moments notice if things aren’t enjoyable for YOU.

This shifts the power back in your favor and allows you to gain control of the relationship.

Good and Bad Beauty Salon Marketing

All women in the world have been to a salon at least once in their lives. And if you have been to more than one, you would notice that there are different kinds of salons. There are those for are there to generate income and there are those that are there to make women beautiful. Yes, what was said above is true; not all salons are established to make women beautiful. Of course, the aim of all salons is to generate income. But some salons are in it more for the money than for the job. What makes this difference is a good beauty salon marketing plan.

You see, some salons have marketing plans with aims of luring people in with their cheap offers. Cheap salon treatments are, of course, pleasing to the ears. But if you put the salon marketing and business plan under a microscope, you would see that this is achieved by investing in substandard products and materials. The danger in this type of plan is that the products may work, but they may also have adverse side effects on people. In the short run, you will get people in. But in the long run, you might end up losing people because of the bad results you give.

When it comes to beauty salon marketing, it is always best to put the job and the quality of work first. The salon’s vision should be to provide the best quality service; more than generating good income. The salon’s mission should be to convince its patrons that the service you offer is worth what they will pay for. The best way to do this is by giving them perfect results. When they ask you for this hair color, you give them exactly the hair color they ask for. When they look for this type of nail polish, you make sure you have that in stock. Of course, you should also be ready to give expert advice. Focus on doing your job well and you will slowly but surely build a very good customer base, one that’s loyal and reliable.

How to Attract Any Beautiful Women

Where Is Your Share of Beautiful Women?

Beautiful women are everywhere on this planet. Many people think beautiful women are inaccessible because in order to attract them, you need to have money, power, or status to even touch them. This is simply not true. In my experience, travelling around the world meeting all kinds of beautiful women, more often or not, you will be surprised at how many of them are single and are just waiting to find that guy who’s able to take care of her.

You might ask WHY? If she’s hot, she should already have guys lined up waiting to get her number right? In some cases, yes. But you will be surprise that sometimes, the “HOT” girl that appears to have a lot of guys chasing her actually doesn’t have a boyfriend.

In a lot of cases, these attractive girls know that they are attractive and they are very selective in who they choose as their mate. Recognizing how their psychology works and use reverse psychology against them is the way on how to attract any beautiful women you desire.

How to attract any beautiful women secret #1:

Be confident but don’t over do it…and be yourself:

Beautiful women get approached by guys all the time. Think inside her head for a second, if she sees so many guys all the time, she already know most of the little pickup lines or tricks that guys try to pull to impress her. Guess what? Most of the time, she’s probably laughing her heads off when you think you impressed her but you did not. Please, please. Do yourself a favor. Don’t even try to pull those cheesy pickup line unless you know how to do it naturally!!

Girls, particularly beautiful girls know right away that you just want to get into her pants and she will almost guarantee to not even give you a second chance. When approaching beautiful women, you must be confident and most importantly be yourself. Show her that you are sincere and genuine to get to know her better rather than just having alternative motives such as sex or to show off to the rest of your male friends.

How to attract any beautiful women secret #2:

Challenge her and don’t always conform to her wish:

Beautiful girls are not as stupid as some guys think because these girls know they can pretty much get what they want with a guy if they just ask. Don’t fall into that trap!! Being a nice guy and just paying her every meal is not the way on how to attract any beautiful women. Geez, I don’t think it even trigger any attraction at all!! What you need to do is be counter intuitive and challenge her from time to time.

For example, instead of saying wow, you look so beautiful today. I think you look amazing today… say things like wow, I think you need to change your dress code or fix yourself before you walk out that door… try to add humor but don’t over do it. The idea is you want to communicate to her at the subconscious level that you are not simply a push-over. You are someone who’s able to control your own man power and not let a woman just step all over you. This is very important because attractive women understand their own feminine status and to be in the same league, she wants men who can compose himself and show power over her instead of having to babysit another baby boy… The guys who know how to attract any beautiful women in the world are most often or not able to challenge her and be in a controlling position whether than letting her push him over.